Date: Thu, 7 May 1998 10:05:52 +0100

To: ken-wilber-l@listserv.azstarnet.com

From: Thomas Jordan <Thomas.Jordan@redcap.econ.gu.se>

Subject: How to catch the ego: Part 6

How to catch the ego by the tail - some hints: Part 6 (of 6)

Control strategy 6: Withdrawal.

The most destructive of the ego’s defense strategies in conflict situations is to withdraw from relationships that threaten the integrity of the ego-as-form. Withdrawal has both a physical and an emotional aspect. The physical is when we avoid physical contact with the counterpart, for example by avoiding places where we risk meeting him/her, or avoiding eye contact when meeting them. Emotional withdrawal is more subtle, of course, and involves severing the inner sense of relationship with the other. This includes a wish not to have anything to do with the counterpart, whether in the world of real interactions, or in the world of the psyche, in the form of seeking understanding, keeping the eyes of empathy open, etc. Emotional withdrawal is shutting down all inclination to move towards the counterpart.

Withdrawal brings the advantage of not having to integrate differences or confront challenges to our assumptions. Withdrawal means that we no longer expose ourselves to disturbing information or frustrating interactions. It is sometimes self-destructive because an important source of change of one's own interpretations, attitudes, and feelings is shut down. Cutting off the interactions with that which doesn't fit with our values or feelings may lead to stagnation in the prison of the ego's cherished forms.

The ego doesn't like being thwarthed, it doesn't like deprivation, and in particular it fears having to reconstruct itself. Active contact-seeking with adversaries may therefore contribute to growing awareness of one's own ego and the way it operates.

Thomas